∞

Everytime something good happens, I immediately think I don’t deserve it and start to punish myself with selfdestructive behaviour… Earlier this week I had a successful job interview but all I can think about is how I’m going to fuck it up and disappoint everyone. The stress that comes with that keeps me from sleeping at night and made me start pulling out hairs again…

Even today, I had plans to go to a musical with a friend but I canceled. The stupidest, littlest thing can set off a train of negative thoughts in my head and all of a sudden Im crying and hyperventilating and thinking of ways to kill myself. Fuckin snowball effect… :( I’m wasting so much of my life away…